Choices
by OCnative
Summary: Sometimes it is hard to deal with the choices you have made. Finished.
1. Chapter One

Disclaimer ~ Don't own anything OC related, well not the show anyway.

This has been rattling around in my brain for some time now, so I figured I'd start writing it despite having 3 other un-posted stories being beta read currently.

********

The speaker began blaring with that damn pre-recorded bell overhead. Time for lunch.

Ryan got up. He didn't want to go, but it was easier to just do it. No one would give him any trouble if he just went.

He walked slowly over to the concrete wall with the peeling off-white paint, lining up with all of the others.

"Hey asshole, you're in my spot."

Ryan turned and looked at the guy who was speaking. He was about 6'1", overweight. Ryan knew he wouldn't put up much of a fight. He took a step back, letting the big guy get in front of him, feeling a lump under his left heel.

"Hey asshole, you stepped on my foot."

Ryan turned around just in time to see the fist coming towards his face. Ryan went down hard with the first hit. He reached his hand up and felt blood.

He heard a whistle and then heard footsteps. He felt the guy kick him in the ribs and he drew himself into the fetal position, still trying to stop the blood flow from his nose with his knee.

"Get back, everyone get the fuck back _now!"_

Ryan heard some movement and then felt himself being hauled up to his feet.

"Atwood, you've not even been here a full day yet and already you are starting fights. You're going to solitary."

Before he could say anything in protest, Ryan felt himself being drug down the hall towards the wing that was different than the rest. Instead of having bars to separate it, there was a sliding sound-proof glass door.

The guard opened one of the interior doors and shoved Ryan in. "Here's a towel for your nose."

Ryan felt the towel hit his shoulder before he even had a chance to turn around. How in the hell did this happen?

He sat down on the floor of his new home. He'd probably be here a few days - a week at most. This was his first time, surely they were just teaching him a lesson.

He held the towel to his face to blot the blood. He couldn't see what he looked like, but felt some swelling on his cheek as he used the towel to wipe his face off.

This was just what he needed, to be beaten up. Now the other prisoners would seek him out. A weakling. Maybe the guards put him in here for his own protection instead.

He pressed the other side of his face to the cold concrete wall. It felt good. Honestly, he hadn't even felt the beating out there. He hadn't felt much these days. Not since…

***

_"…Ryan come on honey, let's go to Oliver's party at the penthouse okay? It'll be fun…"  _

_"…Hey Oliver, who's that guy?__ He looks like a drug dealer or something. You know him?"  _

_" …__Ryan, I'm scared…"_

_"…Look out Ryan, he's got a gun!"_

_"…Marissa, I'm going to grab the gun, go call 911…"_

_"…Come on you fucking piece of trash, I dare you, pull the trigger…"_

_"…Oh Marissa, oh god no, Marissa…honey, can you hear me? Stay with me Marissa honey, please stay with me!"_

"No…no…nooooo!" Ryan sat up from the floor suddenly. It was pitch black and he was covered in sweat. At first he'd forgot where he was, then it sunk in. He was in solitary confinement. In Men's Central Jail in Santa Ana. 

Waiting to be charged with the murder of Marissa Cooper.


	2. Chapter Two

He tried not to think about what happened that night, but he couldn't control his dreams, or for that matter, his thoughts when he was awake. No matter what he did, the images from that night were burned into his brain and his eyes kept replaying the night in horrific detail.

He and Marissa had gone to Oliver's party. He hadn't wanted to go, but she was going either way and there was no way he was comfortable with that. He knew that Oliver wanted Marissa and she was being weird. So they'd gone.

Then that guy had shown up. He wanted money from Oliver, and Marissa had been right, he was a drug dealer. Everyone was yelling. Ryan had tried to settle the situation, the guy might listen to him. Ryan had told Marissa to leave and call 911. The guy had been so focused on beating the shit out of Oliver that he didn't even see her leave the room.

Ryan had gotten close enough to him to try and talk him down. When the guy got distracted by Seth, Ryan lunged for the gun he'd seen poking out from the guy's waistband. Then he heard Oliver yell, _"look out Ryan, he's got a gun!" Yeah, no shit Oliver._

He'd gotten the gun away from the guy. He thought he'd hold it on him just until the cops arrived. He'd probably get busted too until they talked to everyone and figured out what had happened, that Ryan was saving them.

Time seemed to go in slow motion. The guy was yelling at him, taunting him. _"…Come on you fucking piece of trash, I dare you, pull the trigger…" _ It was so hard. Ryan was scared. Despite his family, he'd never handled a gun. He'd always just used his fists.

Then there was a noise coming from the other room. Ryan felt himself tense up at the noise. The gun went off. He'd never meant for the gun to go off. He looked up. The guy had moved to the left. Marissa was entering the room followed by the Newport Beach Police Department. The bullet had hit Marissa right in the chest. The officer said she was dead on impact. 

Ryan had killed her.


	3. Chapter Three

He hadn't meant to kill her, he'd loved her. But the police witnessed him pointing the gun at her and pulling the trigger.

He pulled himself onto the cot. As his eyes adjusted to the darkness, he saw the dinner tray sitting on the floor in front of his cell door. It had been pushed through the slot. He wasn't hungry…hadn't been hungry since that night. He closed his eyes. Tried to block everything out. Tried to keep himself from throwing up again.

***

The next morning Ryan was allowed to leave the solitary unit and return to his regular cell. The bruising on his face was still there, so he had to keep his guard up to avoid getting jumped out in the quad. 

It should only be a matter of days before his bail hearing. Hopefully the Cohens' would still post his bail. He hated himself for all of the shit he'd put them through. How much more were they going to put up with from him? It seemed like he'd brought them nothing but heartache since he'd come to Orange County.

Visiting hours came and went and no came for him. Where were they? At least Sandy should have stopped by. He hadn't heard from anyone since that night at the police station. Sandy had told the police that he was Ryan's attorney and legal guardian, and would be posting his bail. 

Despite being a minor, they weren't putting him in juvie because of the crime. Kirsten had stayed silent, tears brimming her eyes. They'd not allowed Seth to come to the police station.

It still seemed so unreal. None of this should have happened. He should be in school, studying for Chemistry, hanging out with Seth, having lunch with Marissa…

He heard a voice hiss from behind him, breaking his thoughts. 

"Hey, look at what we have here, it's that little punk ass kid."

He felt the knife cutting into his side and the warm blood on his skin before sinking to his knees and passing out.

***

He woke up back in his cell. Bandages were wrapped around his abdomen and he felt groggy. As he pulled himself to a seated position, a guard approached and started to open the cell door.

"Your attorney is here to see you. Get up."

Ryan stood up and got his balance together before following the guard to the bank of phone cubicles in the visitor's area.

***

Ryan lifted the receiver as soon as he sat down, anxious to hear what Sandy had to say.

"Ryan, what happened to you? Your face is all banged up and you're walking weird."

Ryan leaned back in the metal chair and lifted the side of his shirt to show Sandy the bandage.

Sandy suddenly inhaled deeply and it was obvious he was searching for the right words to say.

"Dammit, I tried to get you into juvie, but the officers, they just didn't want to hear it."

Trying to change the subject, Ryan said, "It's okay Mr. Cohen, my bail hearing will be any day now, right?" He tried to keep his voice steady, not wanting to convey his desperation.

"Well it's tomorrow, that's why I'm here." Sandy said, looking at Ryan, trying to figure out the best way to say what he needed to say next. 

"Ryan, you need to know that Julie Cooper will be there and she's hell bent on getting the judge to deny your bail. She's hired an attorney to dig up your past. I've tried reasoning with her, that it was an accident and you'd never meant to hurt Marissa. Julie thinks that everything is your fault, including her depression and overdosing, and she never would have met Oliver and gone to his party if it wasn't for you."

The color drained from his face as Ryan felt his hope slip away. With his track record and Julie Cooper, what chance did he have?

Seeing Ryan's face pale, Sandy spoke again, "Ryan, I know this is tough on you. I've been doing a lot of research on my own and I'm hopeful that the judge will listen to us."

"How does Mrs. Cohen feel about posting my bail?" Ryan asked, almost in a whisper.

"Kirsten is devastated about Marissa. She'd been like a daughter to her since all we had was Seth. But she knows it was an accident Ryan, we all know you would never hurt Marissa."

Ryan looked at Sandy, the tears that he'd been fighting back were beginning to well up again when he heard Marissa's name.

"What happened to the dealer?" Ryan asked.

"With all of the commotion, he got away, but there were plenty of kids who submitted witness statements and also said the shooting was an accident."

Ryan couldn't believe it, the guy had gotten away. "What about Oliver? That was who the guy was after at the party. I was saving Oliver. What did he have to say?"

Sandy cleared his throat, it was obvious that whatever he had to say was hard. "Oliver said that he didn't know who the guy was and that you and Marissa had been fighting over him ever since they'd met."


	4. Chapter Four

A/N: I can't believe how long it has taken me to finish this story! Note to self - no more posting half stories until the end is at least planned out mentally. Sorry for the delay…

****

__

Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry

You don't know how lovely you are

I had to find you

Tell you I need you

Tell you I set you apart…

It's such a shame for us to part

Nobody said it was easy

No one ever said it would be this hard

Tell me you love me

Come back and haunt me…

Coldplay

****

The day had been dark and overcast with storm clouds converging over the courthouse, it seemed like a bad omen. Looking out the window once more, Ryan felt himself scowling as he was lead through the back hallway to the packed courtroom at the Orange County Superior Court that awaited him. 

He shuffled into the courtroom. He was still wearing his jumpsuit, and his ankles remained shackled due to the charges pressed against him. Considering the size of the guard who ushered him in, Ryan wasn't sure what they thought he would or could do. His bruises had healed for the most part, but he still walked with a slight limp from another run in from the previous night.

Sandy sat confidently at the defense table. Kirsten and Seth were behind him, along with a tearful Summer. The Coopers were across the aisle with their attorney, and Luke was sitting behind them. Ryan surveyed the room and felt a sense of relief that Oliver wasn't there. In scanning the back area, he saw that several news cameras and reporters crammed into the back rows, all anxious for their news bite: 

__

"…local social chair and popular debutant - gunned down by her boyfriend, who recently moved to Orange County from Chino…"

The court clerk loudly called the room to order by announcing the entrance of Judge Klein. Everyone stood up and fell silent.

The judge cleared his throat, "Everyone, please be seated. Now then, are the attorneys prepared for the bail hearing on the case of the People v. Ryan Atwood?"

****

Sandy looked elated as he tried to get a hold of his paralegal on his cell phone. He glanced at Ryan with giddy jubilation. Once he saw Ryan's face, his excitement faded a little.

He wanted to put Ryan's mind at ease. "I knew I'd be able to get your bail set, now we just need to get the paperwork together, and we'll be able to get you back home by later this afternoon."

Ryan should have been happy. He wasn't sure how much longer he would have lasted in lockup. On top of the bandages that he showed Sandy yesterday, he'd also been pinned down by a group of guys last night. They'd burned his stomach and chest. It could have been worse.

Now, it was as if he was in a trance, and he wasn't really able to pay attention to what Sandy was saying. He'd seen the Coopers rush out of the courtroom, past the reporters and their cameras. Julie had looked completely devastated. All Ryan could think about was Marissa. She was gone, and he was responsible.

He cleared his throat and looked back and forth between the Cohens. "Hey, what's happening with…the funeral?"

Kirsten and Sandy stopped and looked at each other, and then at him sympathetically. 

"Ryan, oh sweetie, I am so sorry, the funeral was yesterday." Kirsten said as she reached out to try and embrace him.

Ryan stepped back and looked down at the floor, trying to control his emotions. He probably would have caused a scene if he'd been able to go anyway.

Seth looked back and forth between his parents and Ryan. "Hey dad, how about letting me come get Ryan when he gets released. I can drive him over to the cemetery so he can…" 

He didn't need to finish the sentence, they all knew what he was thinking: so Ryan could say goodbye.

****

Seth waited in the visitor's area for Ryan to be discharged. Sandy had been by and signed everything. 

Ryan was changing back into his clothes, the same ones he'd worn that night to Oliver's party. Seth should have brought different clothes for him. Surely Ryan wouldn't want to go to the cemetery in the same clothes that he wore that night, but it was too late if Ryan still wanted to go to the cemetery first.

Seth didn't know what to do. This was so far above and beyond anything else he'd ever known. Ryan was not only his "brother," he was also his best friend. Now Ryan had accidentally killed his girlfriend while trying to save them all from Oliver's dealer. He didn't know how to be the strong one who had the answers to crap like this.

The door opened and Ryan shuffled out slowly. Seth stood up and started to walk towards him, but stopped when he saw Ryan's face. His eyes were glazed and he was staring intently at the linoleum floor. 

Seth did a half hearted shoulder shrug and turned to open the door to the outside.

****

They got halfway to the cemetery before Seth spoke, "I'll drive you into the cemetery and show you where it is, but I'll stay in the truck if you'd prefer."

Ryan continued staring out the truck window, his whispered voice was almost inaudible, "Okay."

Seth watched Ryan as he walk slowly over to Marissa's grave; the mound of fresh brown earth marking one of the cemetery's newest additions. He gripped the steering wheel as a wave of nausea passed through him. 

Once it passed, Seth let loose and started pounding his fist on the steering wheel. "Fuck, fuck, FUCK!" He yelled at the windshield. He felt himself begin to cry for the first time since that night. 

****

Ryan felt like a drunk man as he staggered through the graveyard towards Marissa's plot. Seth hadn't needed to do much to point out where she was, there were flowers and balloons tied to the marker.

How could this have all happened? One minute, he and Marissa were together and happy, and the next minute she was mixed up with Oliver. She was so naïve, so trusting, so wanting to help everyone. Like she had helped him.

He knelt down at the foot of her grave and felt himself wrapping his arms around his knees so that he could pull himself into the smallest possible ball, and remained there for what seemed like hours.

****

Seth had watched Ryan intently at first, but when he saw Ryan huddle down on the ground, he looked away. He couldn't watch this. He wiped his eyes and turned his attention towards the driver's side window, looking out at the grass, dotted with stones that made up the quiet cemetery landscape.

****

Oliver had been at the cemetery awhile, waiting for Ryan to show up. Now he watched the pathetic ass from the glass doors of the mausoleum. His contact had called and told him when Ryan would be released. It was so predictable that he would come here to mourn his sweet little Marissa.

Well Marissa wasn't his girlfriend anymore. She was dead, and it was Ryan's fucking fault. Everything had gotten so out of control that night. Jeff had shown up, and he wanted to get paid from Oliver. Yeah he was pissed, but he was also jacked up. Oliver knew how to handle Jeff. Then Ryan jumped in, Mr. fucking Super Hero Man, and look what happened, his lovely Marissa had been shot.

Now there were all these investigations with the police and Social Services, no one could believe that his parents had left him alone. His father had called a business associate to handle it, to tell the police that Oliver was in his care. Then his father had called him, "_Take care of it Oliver._"

__

"I'm on it dad," he thought to himself as he walked out of the mausoleum, slipped on a pair of latex gloves, and silently began to jog up the hill towards Marissa's grave.

He had intentionally hidden in the mausoleum because it offered him the best vantage point. He could watch the grave, and his path to the foot of it would be concealed by the curve of the hill.

Oliver had realized yesterday what he needed to do about Ryan, he needed to kill him, and make it look like a suicide. That way the cops would stop looking into the case, and he could relax. After all, they'd have her killer; beside himself with terrible guilt and grief, next to her grave. 

Of course Ryan wanted to slash his own throat.

****

Ryan stayed motionless, curled up into a ball. It seemed as if time was moving in slow motion, he had no idea how long he'd been there. He'd been in such a state of grief and shock, he almost ignored his senses, which alerted him that something just wasn't right.

Trey always told him to be aware of his surroundings, then react. According to Trey, taking someone by surprise was almost as good as a weapon. His eyes remained closed, but his senses twitched. He could feel something. Someone was approaching him from behind.

It couldn't be Seth. First off, he wouldn't get out of the truck, and secondly, he would have approached Ryan from the road. In fact, if anyone was coming this way, they would have approached it from the narrow road that divided the sections of the cemetery.

Whoever it was, he or she was approaching quietly, and was rushing.

Faking a racking sob, Ryan hunched his back and cautiously looked behind him. From his upside down point of view, Ryan saw a male figure swiftly approaching. Oliver.

Ryan tried to remain calm as he assessed the situation. It had crossed his mind more than once to go looking for Oliver once he got out. He tried to look up ahead to see if Seth was watching, but he couldn't get a good look at the truck without tipping off Oliver. He hoped like hell Seth would not see what was about to happen, because he could really blow things if he did.

He'd seen the knife in Oliver's hand, so Ryan needed to figure out how he could get the upper hand, without a weapon of his own. He only had one choice: take Oliver by surprise, and then take him down.

****

Oliver hadn't thought about Ryan bringing anyone with him, that was very poor planning on his part. Of course Ryan would have to have someone drive him here if he were to come straight from the jail. Oliver had been focusing on Ryan as he approached, but slowed down and tried to determine if Seth was going to pose a problem. It would be tricky, but if Seth saw anything, he'd have to die too.

****

Seth had gotten tired of looking out the window, and turned his attention to the truck stereo. Maybe 103.1 would have something decent to listen to while he waited for Ryan.

****

Ryan could feel that Oliver was almost on him, it was now or never. 

In one fluid motion Ryan turned around, rose up to an offensive posture, and swung at Oliver with all of the anger that had been building up inside since he came into Marissa's life. He'd wanted to knock the knife out of Oliver's hand, and then beat the hell out of him. Maybe it would ease some of the pain he'd been feeling.

Ryan's fist connected with Oliver's forearm, but Oliver maintained a death grip on the knife despite letting out a yelp of surprise. Oliver swung his arm back around and aimed for Ryan's throat. Ryan fell backwards to avoid the knife. 

****

After checking every available radio station on the FM bandwidth and feeling emotionally drained, Seth got bored and looked out the passenger side window, just in time to see Ryan and some guy in what looked like a fist fight. 

The other guy was Oliver. _Oh shit._

Seth fumbled for his cell phone with one hand and the truck door handle with the other. He needed to call his dad, and figure out a way to break up the fight.

****

This was not going according to plan. It should have been so simple, sneak up behind Ryan, kill him, put the knife in his hand, walk out of the cemetery, and go home. 

Now Oliver was involved in a fist fight with Ryan, and he wasn't going to win.

At this point, it didn't matter, murder - suicide, it didn't matter, he just needed to finish it and get the hell out of there.

Hearing Seth get out of the truck and start to yell, Ryan made the mistake of turning his attention away from him. He took the opportunity to plunge the knife downward and felt it cut through flesh.

****

Seth saw Oliver stab Ryan with a knife, and watched as Ryan started to wobble, clutching his chest. Not knowing what he was going to do, he started to sprint towards the pair. 

****

Ryan felt the knife plunge into his upper chest and the searing pain caused him to see a flash of white. He felt like he was going to pass out and was terrified of the thought, knowing that Oliver would have to go after Seth next. He heard Seth yell, but it sounded more like an echo than his brother's voice.

****

Oliver felt mesmerized as he watched the blood pooling and staining Ryan's shirt. There wasn't enough time to deal with Seth, he'd have to take off. His parents would protect him. Maybe they'd send him to Europe and hide him with relatives. They needed to protect the family name.

Now as Ryan was starting to lose consciousness, Oliver glanced over at Seth to see how much time he had to get away. Seth was about a 100 yards away and he was yelling something into a cell phone.

****

Ryan summoned all of his will power not to lose consciousness. In his mind he heard Trey and AJ yelling at him when he was a kid, 

"_You're nuthin but a wimp!" _

"Come on you little pussy, fight back!" 

"Do you wanna die, loser?" 

He didn't want to die. He wasn't a wimp. He was going to fight back. He was going to protect Seth.

Ryan felt a surge of adrenaline and his vision steadied on Oliver, who was glaring at Seth with frustration. 

He swung at Oliver and connected his fist with Oliver's face. Not expecting the blow, Oliver started to fall over sideways, but recovered, and took off in a sprint.

****

After what seemed like years, Seth got to Ryan and saw all of the blood. He hit the redial button and got Kirsten on the phone on the first ring.

"Mom, it's me again, Ryan's been stabbed. It's not fatal, but he's losing a lot of blood, can you call 911? I need to help him."

Knowing that Seth was safe, Ryan collapsed to the ground once again and looked up at Seth while holding his chest.

Seth ended the call, took off his shirt, and pressed it as hard as he could against Ryan's chest. "Hang tight man, you're tough - the toughest kid I've ever known anyway. Police and medics are on their way." 

He felt himself choking up, he didn't know what he would do if he ever lost Ryan.

****

Oliver had gotten four blocks from the cemetery before he finally slowed down and ventured a look behind him. No one had followed, but they would be looking for him shortly. This had all gotten so fucked up, just like the party. He'd left his truck back at the cemetery, and there was no way he was going to beat the police back to the penthouse. He was running out of options.

He looked around, hoping for an idea, for an escape. He was standing in front of a sprawling golf course, one of the hundreds in Orange County. It was an exclusive course, open to _members only_. 

His father was a member of this club even though he was always traveling. The club membership was for status only.

His fucking father, he was never around, never there for him when he needed him. Always on one business trip or another. His mom had given up on him years earlier, "_I just don't understand you Oliver, I just don't."_ Yeah no one did, no one except Marissa. And she wasn't here anymore.

Oliver sprinted across the driveway, ignoring the guard at the security booth, and started jogging up the private road to the clubhouse.

****

The paramedics arrived and had loaded Ryan into the back of the ambulance. 

Seth was going to follow them in the truck, and he was getting a police escort. His parents were going to meet them at Hoag.

Seth's mind was racing a mile a minute. The medic said that Ryan was critical, but would be okay. That leave Seth to wonder one thing: _Where in the hell was Oliver?_

****

Oliver stood in front of the honor roll of donors, which lined a wall in an interior hallway of the clubhouse. His father's name was on a shiny brass plate with "$250,000+" directly below his name. 

That was his father's way at dealing with everything - throw money at it until it goes away.

He bit his lower lip, thinking of Marissa, "I'm sorry sweetheart, I never meant for this to happen, I just wanted us to be together."

He then half-smiled at the plaque. "Well dad, you're going to have to take care of me this time."

With that, Oliver reached up with the knife, and cut his own throat before slumping to the floor.


End file.
